Gaslighting: A word you’ve probably heard in passing—on TV shows, in news headlines, or even in conversations. What does it mean actually? At its core, gaslighting is a manipulative behavior where someone intentionally distorts your sense of reality. It’s not always as dramatic as the movies make it seem; often, it’s subtle, creeping in through everyday interactions until you start doubting your own thoughts and feelings.

“Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of emotional manipulation. It not only erodes self-confidence but also leaves individuals questioning their perception of reality,” explained Dr. Robin Stern, Associate Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence.

Whether it’s a partner rewriting the past or a friend dismissing your feelings, gaslighting thrives on creating confusion and starts a baseline for manipulation.
Once you understand that someone is doing it to you, you can begin to spot whenever it happens moving forward. But how can you do that?

How Gaslighting Works

Gaslighting often starts subtly, with small denials or dismissive comments about your experiences. Over time, these behaviors escalate, making you doubt your perception, memory, and even sanity. For instance, a partner might insist, “You’re overreacting,” when you express concern about a hurtful remark, planting seeds of self-doubt.

Trauma bonding and gaslighting often go hand-in-hand, as the manipulative cycle of abuse and validation deepens emotional dependency, leaving victims trapped in a harmful relationship dynamic, said Dr. Patrick Carnes, a leading researcher on relational trauma.

“Gaslighting thrives on creating confusion and dependency in the victim, making them question their instincts and judgment,” said Dr. Robin Stern, a psychologist and author of The Gaslight Effect.

Common Signs of Gaslighting

Recognizing gaslighting is the first step to addressing it. Some common signs include:

Constantly doubting your memory or perception of events.
Feeling overly apologetic for things you’re not responsible for.
Hearing phrases like “You’re too sensitive” or “That never happened.”
Noticing contradictions in your partner’s words and actions.

If these signs feel familiar, it’s important to seek help and validation from trusted friends, family, or professionals.

Triangulation and gaslighting are commonly used together, with abusers introducing third parties to distort reality further and sow mistrust, isolating the victim and consolidating control, explained Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and expert on narcissistic abuse.

Why Gaslighting is Harmful

The effects of gaslighting go beyond mere disagreements. This form of manipulation can lead to anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Many victims describe feeling trapped, isolated, and unable to trust their own instincts.

“Gaslighting often causes long-term emotional damage, as victims lose their ability to trust their perceptions,” said Dr. Susan Forward, a psychotherapist specializing in emotional abuse.

How to Respond to Gaslighting

If you suspect you’re experiencing gaslighting, taking steps to protect your mental health is essential. Here are some actionable strategies:

Keep a journal of events to validate your experiences.
Share your concerns with a trusted friend or therapist.
Set clear boundaries with the person gaslighting you.
Consider professional help if the manipulation persists.

“Setting boundaries and seeking external validation are key steps to reclaiming your sense of reality and emotional well-being,” said Dr. Deborah Tannen, a linguist and communication expert.

Gaslighter Personality Disorder in Relationships

Gaslighter Personality Disorder, while not a clinical diagnosis, refers to a pattern of manipulative and controlling behaviors often seen in relationships, where one individual consistently distorts reality to gain power over their partner.

Gaslighting doesn’t just take place in intimate relationships. This coercive control tactic can be used in any ongoing relationship to gain power over another (e.g. between friends or colleagues). It can also be used to magnify and exploit power imbalances in relationships such as:

Supervisor & employee
Teacher & student
Parent & child
Caregiver & person needing care

These behaviors, rooted in a need for dominance and validation, often involve tactics such as denial, blame-shifting, and the deliberate undermining of the victim’s self-trust. Over time, this dynamic erodes the victim’s confidence and creates dependency on the gaslighter for their perception of reality. Dr. Robin Stern, author of The Gaslight Effect, noted, “Gaslighters are adept at sowing doubt and confusion, making their targets question their own judgment and memories, which ultimately cements their control.”

Recognizing Gaslighting in Everyday Life

Gaslighting can occur in many forms and settings, from romantic relationships to workplaces. It often begins subtly, making it difficult to identify early on.

For example:

A partner says, “You’re imagining things. I never said that,” after being confronted about hurtful comments.
A boss consistently denies making promises, claiming, “You must have misunderstood,” even when details were explicitly discussed.
A friend invalidates your feelings with phrases like, “You’re just being too sensitive.”

“Gaslighting creates a cycle of doubt and dependency, where victims lose trust in their own judgment,” said Dr. Mary Alvord, a clinical psychologist specializing in abuse recovery.

The Psychological Impacts of Gaslighting

Gaslighting doesn’t just confuse or frustrate—it can leave lasting emotional scars. Over time, victims may experience symptoms similar to PTSD, including anxiety, depression, and hypervigilance.

“Long-term gaslighting can erode self-esteem and lead to chronic stress, which affects both mental and physical health,” explained Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, neuroscientist and author of How Emotions Are Made.

Gaslighting in Families: The Hidden Pain

Family gaslighting often begins in childhood, where it can deeply shape a person’s self-perception. Parents might dismiss a child’s feelings, saying, “You’re overreacting,” or deny hurtful actions with phrases like, “That never happened.” Over time, this erodes the child’s confidence and fosters dependency on the parent for validation.

“Family gaslighting disrupts the foundation of trust and safety that should exist in close relationships,” said Dr. John Smith, a clinical psychologist specializing in abuse recovery.

With the rise of social media, gaslighting has found a new platform. Online relationships and interactions can amplify manipulative behaviors. For instance, gaslighters may use tactics like rewriting history in messages, denying harmful actions caught on screenshots, or isolating victims through group chats.

“Digital gaslighting is particularly insidious because it allows abusers to manipulate perceptions while maintaining plausible deniability,” noted Dr. Nora Volkow, director of NIDA.

Social media gaslighting creates unique emotional harm by manipulating perception and eroding trust in one’s own reality. Manipulative tactics, such as denying past events, fabricating evidence, or engaging in public shaming, can leave victims feeling disoriented and anxious. “Gaslighting on social media amplifies its impact by exploiting the public nature of interactions, making victims question not just their experiences but also their self-worth,” said Dr. Lisa Stroman, a clinical psychologist specializing in digital behaviors. This form of psychological manipulation thrives in online spaces, where anonymity and virality can intensify its effects, leaving individuals emotionally drained and isolated.

Recovering from Gaslighting

Healing from gaslighting requires rebuilding trust in your own perceptions and emotions. Therapy, particularly Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), is often recommended for addressing the long-term effects of gaslighting.

Practical steps include:

Documenting conversations and events to validate your experiences.
Setting firm boundaries with individuals who exhibit gaslighting behaviors.
Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family who affirm your reality.

“Therapy helps victims of gaslighting reconnect with their inner voice and regain control over their narrative,” said Dr. Emily Stone, a trauma therapist at the Cleveland Clinic.

Seeking Help for Gaslighting

If you or a loved one is experiencing gaslighting, reaching out for professional help is a critical step. At Still Mind Florida, we provide evidence-based therapies to help individuals overcome the emotional toll of gaslighting and other forms of abuse. Our compassionate team is here to guide you on the path to recovery.

What is Gaslighting?