In 2011, Elizabeth Brake first coined the term amatonormativity to describe the belief that romantic relationships are essential to well-being. This idea assumes that everyone desires and pursues romantic love, treating it as a central part of a fulfilling life. By framing romantic relationships as superior to other forms of connection, such as friendships or chosen families, amatonormativity marginalizes those who do not conform to these expectations. People who are aromantic or asexual, for example, are often viewed as “abnormal” because they do not prioritize romantic love.
Amatonormativity & Young People
Many people notice the cultural messages about romance that children are exposed to from a very young age. Adults often ask children if they have a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” treating romantic relationships as inevitable. These ideas teach children to think about romance before they have the emotional maturity to understand it. Instead of encouraging friendships and independence, this romanticization prioritizes the idea of finding a partner.
During adolescence, the pressure to have a boyfriend or girlfriend often intensifies. Media aimed at teenagers reinforces the belief that romantic relationships are necessary for social status and personal success. For many young people, this pressure can lead to feelings of inadequacy if they are single. Others may enter relationships they are not ready for, which can leave them vulnerable to emotional harm or unhealthy dynamics.
Teaching young people to value non-romantic relationships can help counteract these pressures. Friendships, family bonds, and self-awareness are equally important and can provide a strong foundation for personal growth. Encouraging teenagers to prioritize these connections allows them to develop a healthy perspective on relationships.
Amatonormativity & People Who Experienced Trauma
Amatonormativity also impacts people who have experienced trauma in relationships. Individuals who were hurt by family members or past partners may avoid new relationships out of fear of repeating the same pain. For them, the expectation to seek romance can feel overwhelming and harmful.
On the other hand, some trauma survivors may rush into romantic relationships, believing that “true love” will protect them from further harm. This desire for safety can lead to relationships that are unhealthy or emotionally damaging. While these individuals may conform to amatonormative expectations, their choices are often driven by desperation rather than genuine connection.
Society often views people who avoid relationships due to trauma as “broken” or “damaged.” However, this judgment overlooks the reality of their experiences. Trauma survivors who enter relationships seeking protection may fit the amatonormative narrative but risk their own well-being if the relationship becomes harmful.
Amatonormativity & Gender Expectations
Amatonormativity reinforces traditional gender roles by tying relationship expectations to cultural ideas about femininity and masculinity. Women are often expected to seek romantic relationships as a sign of success or stability. Media portrayals frequently show single women as lonely or career-obsessed, reinforcing the belief that their lives are incomplete without a partner. A 2021 study in Sex Roles found that 68% of media depictions of single women perpetuate negative stereotypes.
Men face different pressures under amatonormative norms. Cultural narratives emphasize that masculinity is tied to pursuing romantic relationships and providing for a partner. These expectations can create a sense of inadequacy for men who prioritize independence or alternative relational paths.
Challenging these stereotypes involves recognizing that relational choices should not be dictated by gender norms. By embracing diverse perspectives on relationships, society can move toward greater relational freedom and equality.
Amatonormativity & Adolescents
Amatonormativity influences young people from an early age. Adults often ask children if they have a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” planting the idea that romantic relationships are inevitable. These cultural messages encourage children to view romance as central to their social lives, often at the expense of friendships or self-discovery.
As adolescents, the pressure to conform to romantic norms increases. Teen-focused media frequently reinforces the belief that having a boyfriend or girlfriend is essential for social acceptance. According to a 2022 study by the Pew Research Center, 78% of teenagers feel pressure from media to prioritize romantic relationships over friendships or self-development. This pressure can lead to unhealthy dynamics, as young people enter relationships they are not emotionally prepared for.
Encouraging adolescents to build strong friendships and explore their personal interests can help counteract the influence of amatonormativity. Teaching them to value non-romantic connections fosters a more balanced perspective on relationships.
Amatonormativity & People Who Experienced Trauma
Amatonormativity has complex effects on individuals who have experienced trauma in relationships. People who have been hurt by family members or romantic partners may avoid forming new relationships out of fear of repeating their past pain. For them, societal expectations to prioritize romance can feel alienating or harmful. Conversely, some trauma survivors may seek out romantic relationships as a source of protection or validation. Believing that “true love” can provide safety, they may rush into relationships without fully considering their own needs. This can lead to unhealthy dynamics or increased vulnerability if the relationship becomes harmful.
Amatonormative culture often judges trauma survivors who avoid relationships, labeling them as “damaged.” At the same time, it overlooks the risks faced by those who enter relationships out of fear or desperation. Recognizing these dynamics is crucial to supporting trauma survivors in making choices that prioritize their well-being.
The Role of Media in Reinforcing Amatonormativity
Media plays a powerful role in perpetuating amatonormative norms. Romantic relationships are often depicted as the ultimate goal in life, while alternative forms of connection are overlooked. Television shows, movies, and advertisements rarely celebrate friendships, chosen families, or independence with the same enthusiasm as romance.
These portrayals influence societal expectations and individual self-perception. A 2021 survey by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 74% of respondents felt that media reinforced the idea that being single was undesirable. Such depictions can lead to feelings of inadequacy for those who prioritize non-romantic relationships.
Promoting diverse representations in media is essential to challenging these norms. Stories that highlight the value of friendships, independence, or non-romantic partnerships can help normalize alternatives to amatonormative ideals.
Challenging Amatonormativity
Addressing the dominance of amatonormativity requires cultural and institutional change. Legal reforms can expand relationship-based policies to include chosen families, ensuring that people who prioritize non-romantic relationships are not excluded. Workplace benefits, such as health insurance and family leave, should recognize diverse relational structures to create greater equity.
Cultural shifts are equally important. Media campaigns and educational initiatives that celebrate relational diversity can help dismantle the belief that romantic relationships are inherently superior. By valuing all forms of connection equally, society can foster an inclusive environment where individuals are free to define fulfillment on their own terms.
Conclusion
Amatonormativity shapes societal views on relationships by prioritizing romantic love over other forms of connection. This perspective marginalizes those who do not conform to these norms while devaluing friendships, chosen families, and independence. Challenging these assumptions allows society to embrace relational diversity and create a culture that respects and celebrates all ways of living. By recognizing the value of every individual’s choices, we can move toward a more inclusive and equitable understanding of human connection.
